Reasons to work

Some nights, I can't get sleep after Fred has been awake for several times. I lay in the bed and think about my life... namely I think about diving myself between the family and the work.
Why did I decide to go back to work so soon? Yes, the triplets turn 1,5 years old in February 4 and I start working full-time in February 8.
Am I a bad mother because of that? I really don't know. I HOPE I'm not.
I hope my kids understand me. It's not about the money. I have enough savings to live through some years and not work. It's about something else. What is it then?

1. I go crazy being at home without using my brain. I can blame my work duties entirerly: during the last 10 years, all I have done, is remembering scientific stuff. Remembering loads of definitions. Remembering results of tests. Remembering all my lectures (I usually lecture by heart and not from notes), more than 200 hours per year. Now, suddenly, my brain doesn't have this workload it's used to. And I feel I just cannot be without it... I'm addicted to my work.

2. Sometimes, I feel that I'm doing work 24 hours and Erik 8 hours at work plus some hours at home and the rest, he is entitled to do his hobbies or just watch TV. It seems like mother's job is 24 hours while father's job is 8 hours at work and maximum 2 hours at home... because I get paid as a mother and this is 24 hours work. If I start working again, it feels more equal - we both work and after that, we can share our home duties. I know it sounds stupid, but this really seems to be a solution for me: start working feels me to have a right to complain more and ask help more. I'm entitled to some hobbies, too. I've given up 95% of all my hobbies, while it's not the same for Erik. Yes, I know - it's not his fault I'm a woman and he is a man... But still. I want it to be more equal.

3. In some weird way, it's also about the money. Or more being dependant on someone. I have never asked money from a man. Since I graduated from university, I have always earnt my own salary and covered my life expenses. I have had a freedom NOT to give reasons for someone how I spend my own money. I have always been able to take care for myself. I do not want to give this freedom and independency away... it means too much for me.

Are those good enough reasons to go back to work? Or should I, unselfishly, give up those things in life and dedicate myself to my children? But what happens AFTER that? When my kids are old enough to go to kindergarten (age 4) or school (age 7)? Is there any guarantees I can get it all back, after some years?

Don't get me wrong... I love my little boys. They are a big part of my life and I cannot imagine my life without them anymore. But I'm a person myself, too...

In the bath

In summer-time, the triplets enjoyed water and their outside pool a lot. They could play there for several hours. Once we came back inside, we decided to bath them in our regular bath-tube, because the baby bath-tubes which we had before, seemed to be too small.
We started to bath them individually.
However, the ground of the bath was too slippery and Ralf got scared of it. We bought a cover for the ground at once, but Ralf was still scared. He decided to hate water. Every time, we bathed the boys, Ralf was screaming like crazy. Nothing helped. It lasted for 5 months. Last week, it changed. The reason: we decided to put them to the bathtube two at a time. When Ralf saw how much Sten enjoys it, he suddenly changed his opinion about water and baths. He started to laugh and enjoyed it very much! We all were very happy about it - now, Sunday evenings are once again for fun!
Ralf and Sten:

Kert is at home

Finally Kert is at home. In his own bed. It feels wonderful after so many days and nights in the hospital. The triplets are very excited, too. When they saw Kert in his room again, they all run there. And wanted to eat all his grapes...

In the snow

2012 came together with the snow. It's very special because this winter we have had almost no snow. That's why we have tried to use these snowy days as much as possible and gone out every single morning to sledge. Boys like sledging a lot. We do the same circles as we did with the triplet pram, just now with the sledges. 3 sledges in a row is not that heavy - it's just good physical excercise! Often, Glen and Aune join us, too. Hopefully the snowy weather stays... it's much more beautiful outside this way. Estonians don't like warm and muddy winters!

These 2 photos are taken in the first morning of  January 1. The day was absolutely beautiful! We tried to make Tony to carry the sledges as well, but he didn't like this idea at all!

These photos are taken in the 2nd weekend of January - a beautiful sunny winter day when we went out to sledge with the neighbours:

 We also did some sledge rides from hills:

 This photo is taken another day, when the boys went downhill with their sledges:

 In our garden:

Boys playing with the snow:

Glen made "snow angels" and our boys laughed about it: